Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr.  Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button ‘start’ but there is no ‘stop’ button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friends clicked ‘run’ he ran up to Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to ‘sit’, so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any ’re-scooter’ is available in system? I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ‘ find’ button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt ‘Microsoft  word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when you will provide  that?

6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ‘MY Computer’: when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says ‘MY Pictures’ but there  is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in  that.

8. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’ since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided ‘My Recent Documents’. When you will provide ‘My Past Documents’?

10. You provide ‘My Network Places’. For God sake please do not provide ‘My Secret Places’. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta

Last  one to Mr Bill Gates : Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u  are selling WINDOWS?

Gud marning, Ladies and Gen’lemen. P’rajee aur Behnjee. Sat Sri Akal.

wahe guru is jai…

On behalf of Captaan Balbir Singh ‘Bobby’, this is Your Flight Supervisor Banta Singh “Bunty” welcoming to you on the P’njaab Airways flight no. 9211 (Nau Do > Gyaraah) to Ludhiana.

We apalogize for the two-day delay in taking off, b’cause the sun was not shining brightly in the fog. And we are knowing the sun does not shine in the night.

Landing in Ludhiana is not dafinite, but with good Luck we can be landing d’rectly in your v’llage. P’njaab Airways has exc’llant record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the fully trained tarrists and hijackers are afraid to fly with us.

I am pleased to ‘nounce that starting this year over 90% of our p’ssaingers have reached to their dest’nation. For the rest 10%, the P’njaab Airways staff has lots of experience for consoling the next-of-kin.

Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be haippy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.

If engines are too noisy, on p’ssainger request, we can turn them off for comfart, but your flight will become late and you may become the late also.

For our religious p’ssaingers, we are the only airline who can help you to contact God at once. In case of sudden loss of cabin pressure, Holy Books will be quickly distributed.

We regret that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we could not record it from the tallyvision due to power cut. But we will be flying right naxt to Air India, where their movie can be seen from the right side cabin windows. These windows have been opened for your viewing convenience.

Dear  banta
Vahe  Guru !

I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I’m  writing this letter slowly, because I know you  cannot read fast.

We  don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in  the newspaper  that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved  20 miles.

I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who  stayed here  took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have  to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able  to bring  our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain  same too.

This  place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated  right above  the commode. I’m not sure it works. Last week I put in 3  shirts, pulled  the chain and haven’t seen them since.

The  weather here isn’t too bad. It rained only twice last week. The  first time  it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The  coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little  too heavy  to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off  and put  them in the pocket.

Your  father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting  the grass  at the cemetery.

By  the way I took Bahu to our club’s poolside. The manager is  really badmash.  He told her that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in  this club.  We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your  sister had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out whether it is  a girl  or a boy, so I don’t know whether you are an Aunt or  Uncle.

Your  uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him  out, but  he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he  burned for  three days.

Your  best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill  his father’s  last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after  he died.  And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for  his father.

There  isn’t much more news this time. Nothing much has  happened.

P.S:  Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized,  I had  already sealed off this letter.

Read and enjoy

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, “Pass the wine you divine”.
Sardar thinks “how poetic”
Sardar says, “pass the custard you bastard”.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Sardar at bar in New York .
Man on his right says “Johny Walker single”
Man on his left says “Peter Scotch single”
Sardar says – “Baljith Singh Married”
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k…….but? ?
how much is DRIVING salary…?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Sardar’s theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during  the day when light
is not needed!!!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES…NO…YES. ..NO…YES. ..NO…
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend ” u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office….
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and
says, “chal”, it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, “chal” , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, “chal….” Finally he wrote the conclusion.. ….
……. “after all the legs of a cockroach are cut – it be comes deaf……”
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks  ” tamil therima??”
Sardar got mad, angrily replied…. “Hindi tera baap!!!”
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry num be r is also written…BC 1760!!!….
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. ……
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay ‘FRIEND’, but in the
exam the essay which came was ‘FATHER’ . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read:  AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,

SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state…..
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks be hind,  ALL WERE SARDARS….. ..