» Computers

Management Professionals

admin — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 18:50:52 +0000

1) Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.

2) Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don’t need a man or woman; They’ll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

And lastly…

9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby.

The Facebook Addiction Department – “FAD”

admin — Sun, 15 May 2011 07:11:10 +0000

The 76-year-old woman walked down the hallway of Clearview Addictions Clinic, searching for the right department. She passed signs for the “Heroin Addiction Department (HAD),” the “Smoking Addiction Department (SAD)” and the “Bingo Addiction Department (BAD).” Then she spotted the department she was looking for: “Facebook Addiction Department (FAD).”

It was the busiest department in the clinic, with about three dozen people filling the waiting room, most of them staring blankly into their Blackberries and iPhones. A middle-aged man with unkempt hair was pacing the room, muttering,”I need to milk my cows. I need to milk my cows.”

A twenty-something man was prone on the floor, his face buried in his hands, while a curly-haired woman comforted him.

“Don’t worry. It’ll be all right.”

“I just don’t understand it. I thought my update was LOL-worthy, but none of my friends even clicked the ‘like’ button.”

“How long has it been?”

“Almost five minutes. That’s like five months in the real world.”

The 76-year-old woman waited until her name was called, then followed the receptionist into the office of Alfred Zulu, Facebook Addiction Counselor.

“Please have a seat, Edna,” he said with a warm smile. “And tell me how it all started.”

“Well, it’s all my grandson’s fault. He sent me an invitation to join Facebook. I had never heard of Facebook before, but I thought it was something for me, because I usually have my face in a book.”

“How soon were you hooked?”

“Faster than you can say ‘create a profile.’ I found myself on Facebook at least eight times each day — and more times at night. Sometimes I’d wake up in the middle of the night to check it, just in case there was an update from one of my new friends in India . My husband didn’t like that. He said that friendship is a precious thing and should never be outsourced.”

“What do you like most about Facebook?”

“It makes me feel like I have a life. In the real world, I have only five or six friends, but on Facebook, I have 674. I’m even friends with Juan Carlos Montoya.”

“Who’s he?”

“I don’t know, but he’s got 4,000 friends, so he must be famous.”

“Facebook has helped you make some connections, I see.”

“Oh yes. I’ve even connected with some of the gals from high school — I still call them ‘gals.’ I hadn’t heard from some of them in ages, so it was exciting to look at their profiles and figure out who’s retired, who’s still working, and who’s had some work done. I love browsing their photos and reading their updates. I know where they’ve been on vacation, which movies they’ve watched, and whether they hang their toilet paper over or under. I’ve also been playing a game with some of them.”

“Let me guess. Farmville?”

“No, Mafia Wars. I’m a Hitman. No one messes with Edna.”

“Wouldn’t you rather meet some of your friends in person?”

“No, not really. It’s so much easier on Facebook. We don’t need to gussy ourselves up. We don’t need to take baths or wear perfume or use mouthwash. That’s the best thing about Facebook — you can’t smell anyone. Everyone is attractive, because everyone has picked a good profile pic. One of the gals is using a profile pic that was taken, I’m pretty certain, during the Eisenhower Administration. ”

“What pic are you using?”

“Well, I spent five hours searching for a profile pic, but couldn’t find one I really liked. So I decided to visit the local beauty salon.”

“To make yourself look prettier?”

“No, to take a pic of one of the young ladies there. That’s what I’m using.”

“Didn’t your friends notice that you look different?”

“Some of them did, but I just told them I’ve been doing lots of yoga.”

“When did you realize that your Facebooking might be a problem?”

“I realized it last Sunday night, when I was on Facebook and saw a message on my wall from my husband: ‘I moved out of the house five days ago. Just thought you should know.’”

“What did you do?”

“What else? I unfriended him of course!”

Business Directory.

admin — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 22:45:07 +0000

[bizdir_directory]

Click here to add your business

Mohhabatein in coding

admin — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 16:52:27 +0000

Ek Trainee tha anjana sa……….
coding karne se woh darta tha……..

Copy paste karke, idhar udhar se…………..
pooch ke coding kiya karta tha…………..

Choree choree…….. chupke chupke……….
discussions mein soya karta tha…

Jab delivery honee hotee thee
raat raat bhar jagta tha…

Kuch aata nahee tha usko…………
jane kaise deliver karta tha…………..

Jab bhee milta tha kisee doosre developer se,
unse poocha karta tha…

Coding kaisee hotee hai,………………
yeh coding kaisee hotee hai …………..?

Aur voh developers
bas yahee kah paate the…..

“Ankhe khulee ho ya ho band
deedar code ka hota hai…
kaise kahoo mai o yaro yeh code
kaise hota hai…..

tururururururururu ru ru ru ru ru….”

“Kya hai yeh jadoo hai koyee code jo chal jata hai,
fix karke bugs hazaro deliver ho jata hai…”

“Door kahee onsite per hote hai yeh sare faisle,
kaun jane koyee bug kab kaise kaha mile,

jiske naseeb mein ho likha
acceptance useeka hota hai…

kaise kahoon mai o yara yeh code
kaise chalta hai…

tururururururururu ru…………………..

Warranty lookup websites…

qasim — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 22:08:51 +0000

Quick links to view warranty status of equipments.

IBM/Lenovo

http://www-307.ibm.com/pc/support/site.wss/document.do?lndocid=LOOK-WARNTY

Apple

https://selfsolve.apple.com/GetWarranty.do

Dell

http://support.dell.com/support/topics/global.aspx/support/my_systems_info/details?c=us&cs=19&l=en&s=dhs

http://www13.itrc.hp.com/service/ewarranty/warrantyInput.do?admit=109447627+1237568838904+28353475

Updated 3/22/2009

Western Digitial

http://websupport.wdc.com/warranty/serialinput.asp?aspsid=770985361&custtype=end&requesttype=warranty〈=en

Lexmark

http://warrantystatus.lexmark.com/warranty/lookup

Seagate

https://store.seagate.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/SgCheckWarrantyView?langId=-1&krypto=lZV0ifY90uy6PUbeNYxmlJ/eOamQTU8vX/yVcskL7Ra8YMmV34QjfaXbpO6NlvwR%2BTEC3tVdnhJ0%0AtmaQWKyGUNscSUkjrgNNSrX6sZWZFxPTN7qiNOvGlw%3D%3D&ddkey=SgSSORedirect

Computer Harddisk in action

qasim — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 10:26:16 +0000

Very informative video with live demonstration of how a hard disk reads the data from its disk.

History of internet

qasim — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 10:17:27 +0000

Animated video explaining the invention of internet

Understanding network standards

qasim — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 09:25:06 +0000

A Silent animated movie with quick veiw of standards and network topologies along with various technologies that are in use to manage data on network.

How the internet works

qasim — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 08:25:42 +0000

Very informative and little animated funny movie about how the ‘data packets’ travels from origin to destination via information highway passing through various checkpoints like Routers, Firewalls etc.

Are computers Masculine or Feminine

qasim — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 22:29:32 +0000

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. ”House” for instance,
is feminine: ”la casa.””Pencil,” however, is masculine: “el lapiz.”

A student asked, “What gender is ‘computer’?”

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ‘computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that ”computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (”la computer”), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (”el computer”) because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.