Phir bhi Dil Hai Hindustani

Coke peete, Pepsi peete,
bhool gaye nimbu paani
Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani

MTV, Channel V cool hain
bhool gaye Akashwani
Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani

Reserve Bank hain Khali
Khali Swiss Bank mein maal paani
Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani

Ideas hain naye naye
Problem wohi purani
Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani

Hong Kong main honeymoon,
New York main meri naani
Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani

Kapde hain Amreeki
Gaadiyan hain Japani
Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani

Paanch saal mein chaar government
dekhi, suni na jaani
Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani
....Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani
....Phir Bhi Dil Hai HIndustani

Aisi Apni Wife ho

5' 6" jiski height ho,
Jeans jiski tight ho,
Chehara jiska bright ho,
Umar 22 se 27 ho,
Aise apni Wife ho.

Sadak per sab kahe kya cute ho,
Bhid me sab kahe side ho, side ho,
Bambai, Delhi ya Gujarat ki paidaish ho,
Sas ki seva jiski khwahish ho
Aisi apni Wife ho.

Padosi jab baat kare to haath me knife ho,
Dinner ke time candle light ho,
Ham me tum me kabhi na koi fight ho,
Milane ke baad dil delight ho,
Hey prabhu teri 'Archana' meri life ho.
Yeh kavita padhne ke baad log kahe "chikne, tum right ho",
Aise apni Wife ho.

kaash yeh concept .0001 percent bhi right hoagar
aisi apni wife hoto kya hasin life ho
har kisi ki yahi farmaish ho
kudrat ki bhi aajmaish ho
khudah ke software mein bhi bug ki gunjaish ho
ay kaash, kahin to ek aisi paidaish ho
aisi apni wife ho



6'-6'2" jiski height ho,
jeans dheeli magar body tight ho,
biwi ka har nakhra uthaye itna mizaaj uska light ho
husband apna aisa bright ho

uff tak na kare itna quiet ho
dinner banaye wo jab bhi romantic night ho
shopping karke jab bhi aaoon to bole,  begum, tum
kitni nice hoň
husband apna aisa bright ho

mujhe rani bana kar rakkhe to phir zindagi delight ho
saas sassur ke samne jo kahe,  meri jaan tum hamesha right hoň
hamesha jo haar maan jaye, jab bhi kabhi hamari fight ho
husband apna aisa bright ho

jahan chahoon jaaoon, jo chahoon karoon, kuchh is tarah ki life ho
har doosre week ghoomne phirne ki flight ho,
aisa ho jaye to main udoon neelay aasman mein jaise ke udti kite ho,
husband apna aisa bright ho

 

Filmi Chakker hai ye Prem Patr

Johnny Mera Naam
Piya Ka Ghar
Choukee No. 11
Teesri Manzil
China Town

Date: Nav Do Gyarah

My Dear 'Anamica':
You must be surprised to receive this 'Prem Patra' from me. Let me make my 'Pahechan' to you as 'Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge'. Though I am an 'Aawaara', I am also your 'Deewana'.
I am making you a 'Prarthna' to enter my 'Zindagi' as a 'Priyatama'. Even though I do not have any 'Sambandh' with you, I still consider you as my 'Dream Girl' with 'Lal Dupatta Malmal Ka'. There are only 'Do Raaste' left for me. One is to get your love by 'Tyag' or to go the 'Rangeela' way.
Wouldn't you like to be 'Mere Jeevan Saathi' as you are 'Lakhon Mein Ek'? I also hope that you will 'Guide' me in 'Bahar' as we are made for 'Ek Duje Ke Liye'.
We will live in 'Naya Zamana' where we will have a 'Suhana Safar'. In this 'Himalay Ki God Mein', our 'Bandhan' is going to tied with 'Preet Ki Dor'. I hope that we will have nothing but 'Anand' in 'Ye Dillagi'.
Aren't you bored of 'Akele Hum Akele Tum' life? Let this 'Baazigar' be your 'Boy Friend' and we start 'Pehli Mohabbat'. This 'Chahat' is going to lead to a 'Milan' where you are going to call me everyday for 'Aao Pyar Karen'.
Now, 'Phir Kab Miloge' as 'Tumse Accha Kaun Hein'? As you know my love is 'Himalay Se Uncha' and hopefully our 'Mulakat' will be 'An Evening in Paris'. 'Aa Gale Lag Jaa'!
'Hum Aapke Hain Koun...?'
'Prem Pujari'

Desi T(e)rraffic Rules

Most Indian road users observe a version of the Highway Code based on a Sanskrit text. These 12 rules of the Indian road are published for the first time in English:
 

  • ARTICLE I:
    The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.
     
  • ARTICLE II:
    Indian traffic, like Indian society, is structured on a strict caste system. The following precedence must be accorded at all times. In descending order, give way to:
    Cows,
    elephants,
    heavy trucks,
    buses,
    official cars,
    camels,
    light trucks,
    buffalo,
    jeeps,
    ox-carts,
    private cars,
    motorcycles,
    scooters,
    auto-rickshaws,
    pigs,
    pedal rickshaws,
    goats,
    bicycles (goods-carrying),
    handcarts,
    bicycles (passenger-carrying),
    dogs,
    pedestrians.
     
  • ARTICLE III:
    All wheeled vehicles shall be driven in accordance with the maxim: to slow is to falter, to brake is to fail, to stop is defeat. This is the Indian drivers' mantra.
    ARTICLE IV:
    Use of horn (also known as the sonic fender or aural amulet):
    Cars (IV,1,a-c):
    1.Short blasts (urgent) indicate supremacy, IE in clearing dogs, rickshaws and pedestrians from path.
    2.Long blasts (desperate) denote supplication, IE to oncoming truck: "I am going too fast to stop, so unless you slow down we shall both die". In extreme cases this may be accompanied by flashing of headlights frantic).
    3.Single blast (casual) means: "I have seen someone out of India's 870 million whom I recognise", "There is a bird in the road (which at this speed could go through my windscreen)" or "I have not blown my horn for several minutes."
    Trucks and buses (IV,2,a):
    All horn signals have the same meaning, viz: "I have an all-up weight of approximately 12.5 tons and have no intention of stopping, even if I could." This signal may be emphasised by the use of headlamps.
     
  • Article IV - Remains subject to the provision of Order of Precedence in Article II above.
     
  • ARTICLE V:
    All manoeuvres, use of horn and evasive action shall be left until the last possible moment.
     
  • ARTICLE VI:
    In the absence of seat belts (which there is), car occupants shall wear garlands of marigolds. These should be kept fastened at all times.
     
  • ARTICLE VII:
    1.Rights of way: Traffic entering a road from the left has priority. So has traffic from the right, and also traffic in the middle.
    2.Lane discipline (VII,1): All Indian traffic at all times and irrespective of direction of travel shall occupy the centre of the road.
     
  • ARTICLE VIII:
    Roundabouts: India has no roundabouts. Apparent traffic islands in the middle of crossroads have no traffic management function. Any other impression should be ignored.
     
  • ARTICLE IX:
    Overtaking is mandatory. Every moving vehicle is required to overtake every other moving vehicle, irrespective of whether it has just overtaken you. Overtaking should only be undertaken in suitable conditions, such as in the face of oncoming traffic, on blind bends, at junctions and in the middle of villages/city centres. No more than two inches should be allowed between your vehicle and the one you are passing- and one inch in the case of bicycles or pedestrians.
    ARTICLE X:
    Nirvana may be obtained through the head-on crash.
     
  • ARTICLE XI:
    Reversing: no longer applicable since no driver in India knows that his vehicle has reverse gear.

Kaun Banega Crorepati

Amitabh Bachchan is questioning a guy on Kaun Banega Crorepati.
Amitabh: "Meri company ka naam kya hain?" Options : A: Infosys, B: Wipro, C: ABCL, D: Hindustan Lever.
Participant: "ABCL"
Amitabh: "Sure?"
Participant: "Sure."
Amitabh: "Confident?"
Participant: "Yes confident."
Amitabh: "Computerji 'ABCL' ko tala laga do."
Computer: "Abe gadhe ABCL ko 2 saal se tala laga hua hai!"
 

Desi Algebra

  • SSC + HSC + BCom + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT
     
  • An Idea + An Idiot = A Dotcom
     
  • One Chinese gymnast = India's Gold Medal tally since 1896
     
  • Sushmita Sen - 2.2 feet > Salman Khan
     
  • Special Effects in Shampoo ads > Special effects in Jurassic park
     
  • 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand = 4 minute song in Bollywood
     
  • 10 Midday mates < 5 minutes of FTV
     
  • One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya Film
     
  • Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol
     
  • Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials
     
  • Star Movies - Rerun + Good Movies = HBO
     
  • Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR
     
  • Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan - Talent
     
  • Atal Bihari - Bad knee = Still our LAST HOPE
     
 

Best and Worst

Best in World:
Food: Chinese
House: British
Salary: US
Wife: Indian

Worst In World:
Food:British
House:Chinese
Wife: US
Salary: Indian
 

Signs of recession and slow down in IT industry, the companies have redefined themselves as...
  • WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
     
  • HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
     
  • TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
     
  • C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
     
  • HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
     
  • BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
     
  • IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
     
  • SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
     
  • PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
     
  • HP : Hen Pecked
     
  • AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
     
  • CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
     
  • DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
     
  • BFL : Brainwash First, and Let them go
     
  • DELL : Deplorable Equipment & Lackluster
     
  • TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd
     
  • PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
     
  • PCL : Poor Computers Ltd
     
  • SPARC : Simply Poor And Redundant Computers
     
  • SUN : Surely Useless Novelties
     
  • CRAY : Cry Repeatedly After an Year
     
  • TUL : Troubles Un Limited
     
  • CTS : Coffee, Tea and Snacks
     
  • ICIM : Impossible Computers In Maintenance
     
  • BPL : Below Poverty Line.
     
  • NIIT : Not Interested in IT
     
  • MBT : Monkey & Buffalo team
     

 

Ramu & Somu

Ramu : Hey.. my submarine is not sinking into the water!! What could be wrong?
Somu : May be u have used float instead of double in the software.

PS: Hey Bull, Can you do me a favor? Can you pass on this 500 rupees to Suthi?
Bull: Sure.. why not? But tell me one thing. Tell me whether its pass by value or pass by reference..

Ramu: I am very very sure that the guy who just talked to me is a software engineer...
Somu: How do u say that?
Ramu: He asked my physical address instead of my home address!

Ramu: Shhhh...I think the SW Engg who is sitting in the next cabin must be a farmer before ... somu: How do u know...? Ramu: he asked me today that is there a way to cultivate the bit fields..!!
Ramu: Why people are beating that SW engg black and blue?
Somu: It seems, he asked one of them that whether "vante mataram" is new kind of RAM in the market!

Ramu: Hey.. I think that SW Engg is very very naive..
Somu: How do u say that?
Ramu: He believes that there is an Arabian Sea++ next to Arabian Sea.

Ramu: Hey.... what's time now?
Somu: System time or local time...??

Ramu: Hey.. I have a problem. My system is not booting up!
Somu: May be, its internal buses are on strike..check out!

Vani : We have shifted our home to Malleswaram now..
Soni : Right shift or left shift??

Kannamma : Do u have Design Specs for brinjal sambar?
Ponnamma : U mean recipe..?

 

Here comes Hyderabadi!!!

You are a true Hyderabadi if:
1. Your address reads as 23-404-32/67A-43 (New MCH number 56-678/4A/B-22), while you actually live in the second house beside Zamzam cafe in lane behind Anand Theatre on SP Road .
2. You end up buying only a salwar kameez, whether it is a theatre workshop, food mela, consumer expo, designer jewellery show, science show or an automobile convention.
3. Your street has at least one roadside mobile hotel that serves Chinese delicacies such as "Vegetable soft needles", "Navrotten Kurma", "Chicken Manchewurea" or "American Chompsee".
4. Your answer is 'seedha chale jao' when somebody asks you for directions, whether it is to Malakpet, Masab Tank, Malkajgiri or Moosapet.
5. You come across tailors sporting the board: Immidiot delivery in two days onli.
6.You can speak Hindi, Urdu, hyderabadi hinglish, except Telugu, fluently.
7.You ask the waiter to get you some 'Mango pickle' even if you are sitting at a lavish continental banquet dinner with exotic Chinese, Mexican,Italian and Lebanese cuisines.
8. You order for a tea just after having had a Caramel custard.
9. You have at least one Srinivas,Prasad, Raju or Venkatesh within six square feet. OR you have at least one cousin, friend, colleague or acquaintance with these names.
10. You have at least one cousin, friend, colleague or acquaintance in the US in software.
11. Everytime somebody gives you a piece of good news, the first thing you ask them is 'Party kab hain?'
12. Refer to any past as 'parso', be it yesterday or long before three hundred years.
13. You call 11 AM as subah subah.
14. You label your boss as 'Dimakh Kharab'
15. You are 15 minutes late and you feel you are on time.
16. You look at the fixed price stand and still ask 'dene ka bolo'