Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
English is really crazy.There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
Here is a simple explanation and is written in easy to understand mode.
One cannot make this simpler. Now you know how the economic crisis happened
EXPLAINED…
{ IN SIMPLE ,THE DESI WAY }
Khaja Bhai is the proprietor of a Nehari Shop in Hyderabad .
Sales are low and, in order to increase them, he comes up with a plan to allow his customers to eat now and pay later.
He keeps track of the meals consumed on a ledger.
Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flock to Khaja Bhai’s Hotel.
Khaja Bhai’s suppliers are delighted and are very willing to sell more and more raw materials for the meals he prepares.
Khaja Bhai shows them his ledger of receivables and they extend him credit.
A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and gives
Khaja Bhai a credit line and then increases his borrowing limit.
Taking advantage of his customers’ freedom from immediate payment constraints, Khaja jacks up the prices of his Nehari, Kulche, Jabde, Paaya and Zabaan.
Customers don’t mind as they are not required to pay on the spot anyway.
Sales volume increases massively, Banks and suppliers lend more;
Khaja Bhai opens more outlets.
He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the customers as collateral.
At the bank’s corporate headquarters, expert bankers recognize Khaja’s
customer loans as assets and transform these into BONDS.
These negotiable instruments are given exotic names such as
JABDA BOND,
PAAYA BOND,
ZABAAN BOND
&
KULCHA BOND.
These securities are then listed on the Stock Exchange and traded on markets worldwide.
No one really understands what the names mean and how the securities are guaranteed, but, nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.
One day, although the prices are still climbing, a credit risk manager of the bank decides that the time has come to demand payment of one of the debts incurred by Khaja Bhai.
Khaja in turn asks his clients to pay up.
One by one they refuse; the clients cannot pay back the debts.
Khaja Bhai refuses to serve them any more.
The clients stop coming. Khaja is really screwed now.
He cannot fulfill his loan obligations and therefore claims bankruptcy.
All Bonds drop in price by between 80 to 95%.
The suppliers of Khaja, having granted generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with similar problems.
The Meat Supplier defaults on payment to the Cattle Supplier and claims bankruptcy.
The Kulche Ka Aata supplier is taken over by a competitor;
Khaja lays off the cook and staff.
Bankruptcies soar, unemployment mushrooms.
The bank that lent the money in the first place is set to collapse.
It is later saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties with Khaja Bhai commuting back and forth in his Executive Jet and Mercedes 500SEL, brokering the deal.
The funds required to save the economic collapse are obtained by a tax levied on the common citizens,
Most Of Whom, Do Not Eat
No Nehari,
No Zabaan,
No Sirey,
No Paya…!!!
GOLMAAL KI JAI HO…!!!
HOPE YOU UNDERSTOOD
Yeh Degree bhi lelo, Yeh Naukri bhi lelo,
Bhale mujhse lelo woh US ka Visa,
Magar mujhko lauta do college ki canteen,
Woh PheKha Samosaa, Woh thanda saaa paani,
Woh College ki sabse – purani nishaanee,
Woh chai vaalaa jisko – saare kehte the… jaani,
Woh jaani ke hathon – ki ‘cutting’ chai meethi,
Woh chup-kese journal – mein jo bheji thi chitthi,
Woh padhte hi chitthi – tha uska bhadakna,
Woh chehre ki laali, woh aankhon kaa gussaa …
Woh Phekha samosa, woh thanda saaa paani..
Kadi dhoop mein – apni room se nikalnaa,
Woh project ki Khatir – tha dar dar bhataknaa ,
Woh lecture mein doston – ki proxy lagaanaa,
Woh sir ko chidana, aeroplane udaanaa,
Woh submission ki raton – ko jagna jagaanaa,
Woh viva ! s ke kisse, woh pracs ki kahani….
Woh Phekha samosa, woh thanda saaa paani.
Woh dena Bimaari – ka har time bahana,
Woh doosron ka assignment – ko apnaa banana,
Woh seminar ke din – pairon ka chat-patanaa,
Woh workshop mein din bhar – pasinaa bahanaa,
Woh slogans banana – aur Gym me rakhadna,
Phir Exam ke din ko ” tha bechain hona,
Woh Phekha samosa, woh thanda saaa paani..
College ki thi – woh lambi si raatein,
Woh doston se tapre pe – pyaari si Baatein;
Woh gathering ke din ka ” jo ladnaa Jhagadnaa;
Woh kudiyon ka yuhin – hamesha akadnaa;
Bhulaaye nahin bhool sakta hai koi ——-
Woh college, woh baatein, woh guzara jamana
Woh Phekha Samosa, Woh thanda saaa paani..
SQL Queries with Fun and Laughs
WeddingQuery. ……. …….. (SQL Style)
HUSBANDS QUERY
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 | CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage (BrideGroom Male (25) ,Bride Female(20) ) Sisters =Null AS BEGIN SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides WHERE FatherInLaw = ‘Millionaire’ AND Count(Car) > 20 AND HouseStatus =’ThreeStoreyed’ AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA) AND Having Brothers= Null AND SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalance FROM FatherInLaw UPDATE MyBankAccout SETMyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES(‘BMW’) |
Then the wife writes the below query:
1 2 | DROP HUSBAND; Commit; |
